new things, old thoughts

i have the new Rocky Votolato CD.
i have slept more in the last 3 weeks than i have in years.
i have 3 grad school applications to finish.
i finally have all the alone time i've ever wanted. and i hate it.

i'm lonely. i'm scared. i'm sick of sleeping and sick of thinking. i hate eating alone, and i hate being alone. i'm sick of this room, and sick of pretending that everything is okay. because everything isn't okay. if i dont think about it, i dont get this way. but i finished my book i was reading, and now i have nothing to do, but sit here and think too much. thats why i sleep. so i dont have to think or feel.

i'm sorry.